How Emotional Courage Builds a Loving Relationship
We’ve all watched the romantic movies — the grand gestures, the tearful reunions — and wondered: why doesn’t my relationship feel like that?
But here’s one of the deeper truths I’ve come to believe — and it’s something Hollywood rarely shows:
Lasting love, at least in my experience, isn’t built in grand gestures or Instagram moments. It grows in raw, unfiltered moments — when you choose vulnerability over ego, curiosity over control, and truth over comfort.
This kind of love isn’t easy. But it is real. And it’s so worth it.
- In This Article -
Why Real Love Feels So Hard
Hollywood versions of romance can create unrealistic fantasies of what deeply connected relationships are and have the potential to be. From saying yes to a date, to moving in together, to dreaming up a future — each part of a relationship asks for courage.
Most of us were never really taught how to do relationships - how to show up with emotional courage, or what it even means to co-create something healthy and loving. We were taught maths, science, languages — but nothing about how to be human with one another. Nothing about how to build strong, connected relationships.
We haven’t been taught what a good, connected relationship looks like. So we rely on books, movies, and the internet to show us — even when they only offer part of the picture.
It’s like we finish school or university and — boom! — we’re expected to know how to ‘do’ relationships.
What the Secret Really Is - And Why It Feels So Risky
In my experience, loving relationships grow through devotion, shared growth, and the courage to keep meeting each other at the edges. We’ve all done it—blamed each other, shut down, maybe given the silent treatment, and pretended everything’s okay even when it’s not. But really, we’ve just buried the hurt.
Creating a more conscious and loving relationship takes courage and practice. Knowing you’ll get it wrong sometimes - and choosing kindness and compassion anyway - creates space to grow. When we lean into courage and vulnerability, something different begins to emerge — a new quality of connection.
Sharing something from your past - especially something you're embarrassed or ashamed about - can feel terrifying. But it’s also what builds deep love and trust — and lets your partner truly see you.
It invites a different conversation that may support you in your healing. This is deeply uncomfortable, and you may feel the urge to hide as soon as you share. And that’s okay too.
What Emotional Courage in Relationships Looks Like
Here are some ways I’ve seen emotional courage show up — both in my own life and in the relationships around me.
Say “I’m sorry” first
Notice where pride or ego might be showing up — and gently place them to the side. That small act creates space to truly see your partner: their pain, their hurt, their own wounds.
Admit that you are scared
We all have pains and stories of having been hurt or rejected in relationships. These old hurts can make us close off to future love — or limit how deeply we’re willing to feel it again. When we do this, we unintentionally protect ourselves from pain — but also from love.
Share a secret from your past
To live authentically means to allow ourselves to be seen - even the parts that you are not proud of. Showing our bellies — those tender, unguarded parts — invites deeper truth and connection. Sometimes, it even risks losing love. And when you do that, no matter the other’s reaction, you bring more freedom into your body, and the invitation for the other to step in (if they choose to).
Supporting your partner without fixing them
It can be extremely painful to see your partner’s struggles and pain. While you want to help make everything right, deep down, you know it’s a struggle they need to work through themselves. Supporting and encouraging them without trying to fix them is one of the most loving things you can offer.
Be Curious in Conflict
Being curious during an argument when you are hurting is one of the hardest things to embody in a relationship. Curiosity creates openness — especially where things might otherwise feel closed or tense. It involves a high level of awareness and sometimes, it may only be found in one partner. But when one partner is willing to be open, it invites this quality in the other, and a sense of being seen in their hurt and pain.
Grow together through learning about relationships
Like learning a new skill, relationships thrive with dedication, guidance, and practice. Relationships take practice. Working with a coach or trying new tools together helps you both grow and strengthen your bond. The courage comes in the seeing and re-learning what it means to be in relationship.
Each of these is a small act of the secret in motion. They allow you to have deeper and more connected relationships with your partner. Creating the space where you both have the opportunity to see one other with openness and allow conversations that don’t push an agenda enables you to bring the love and devotion that you deeply desire.
My Story: When I Chose to Be Seen
I haven’t always known how to do relationships or intimacy - and I’m still learning. But this was one moment that quietly reshaped how I understood it.
When I first started my relationship with my ex partner, we both wanted to create a relationship that was connected, loving, and committed to growth. We wanted to grow individually, and with each other - to create a strong foundation. It was our desire to create a strong foundation. Knowing that we were devoted to each other’s growth, and where we nurture support, trust and love for one another allowed us to bring our vulnerability and courage forth.
I have experienced this many times over in previous relationships, especially when old patterns of behaviour and fears came up. Finding the courage to share those old patterns — the ones I wasn’t proud of — helped me begin to heal, and reclaim parts of myself I had long rejected.
There was a time when I shared a story from my past with this particular man. At the time, I didn’t know I was going to share this story with him. I was afraid of his judgements, his reactions. But the story rolled out of me anyway. My heart knew I had to share my past.
I could sense his tightness and contraction as I talked. He was quiet. I could not look at him. When I finally paused, I sat there, feeling the weight of the density in the air. I felt lighter having shared it, but I knew it also shifted our relationship.
It was a truth I’d hidden from others, too ashamed to share, or even admit to myself. But my heart knew I needed to share it - so he could know the real me.
Although he did not receive it well, and it sparked his own insecurities, there was a big part inside of me that felt so liberated. Freed from the old shackles that had kept me quiet. I began to realise that if I couldn’t be real and honest about my past, and had to filter myself - then maybe we weren’t the right match.
That moment didn’t just shift our relationship — it deepened my trust in what I’ve come to see as the real secret: emotional courage opens connection — to myself, and to the other.
Every time we choose truth over comfort - even when it’s hard - we’re practising what I believe is one of the real secrets of a lasting relationship.
Of course, courage isn’t built in a day — it’s something we nurture through practice. Building The Courage Muscle as I like to call it.
How to Build Your Emotional Courage Muscle
Express Through Your Body
Feelings are felt, not talked through. When your expression is second nature, you honour your own response in the moment. It moves instinctively past ego-filters and allows your authentic expression to simply be. This may feel terrifying, but it also allows the other to see the real you, and for you to cultivate your courage so that your body knows it’s safe to own your expressions
Dance in Front of Your Partner
Do you feel both excited and scared? Perfect. Put on some music that you feel good moving to - perhaps it brings out your black cat, your playful cheekiness, your dominatrix, your shy self, and allow them to shine. Movement helps you come into your body and let your creativity shine. It’s vulnerable and what a wonderful way to connect through this.
Creative Sexual Sparks
Find creative ways to create a sexual spark in your long term relationship - eg a cheeky text, getting home early and leaving hints of your arrival from the front door to the bedroom. It’s a myth that sexual sparks dwindle over time - as you grow and know each other more, the more freedom there is to grow this sexual connection.
Share Your Fantasy
Share a fantasy with your partner without expectations of them acting on it. It can be so freeing. I once shared mine with a partner, and I was incredibly touched by the lengths he went into fulfilling this. I certainly did not expect this, and the detail and care that he went into creating it has left such a lasting impression in my heart.
Share your Dreams
Not everything needs to be of sexual nature. Sharing your dreams and desires helps to build connection and trust with each other. Perhaps your dreams have similarities, perhaps they don’t. It doesn’t matter. Sharing these helps with the co-creation of a possible future together.
How Your Relationship Begins to Transform
Gently explore some of these practices, and notice what begins to shift. You may find your conversations feel lighter, your conflicts less overwhelming, and your intimacy more natural.
Moments that once felt triggering may begin to soften. You might notice more space to pause, to be curious, or to speak a truth that used to feel scary.
These shifts might feel subtle at first - but over time, they begin to build something deeper. A sense of safety. Of trust. Of knowing you’re growing together.
This is the kind of transformation I support my clients through — one grounded in emotional courage, and built step by step.
Why This Secret Matters
The real secret isn’t something you discover once and master. It’s a practice - a way of being. In my experience, it’s in these honest moments - the soft apologies, the willingness to be seen - that love deepens and grows.
It’s not always easy. But it’s real. And real connection — the kind that holds you through the mess and magic — is always worth it.
If you resonated with anything in this piece — know that it’s not just theory. It’s something we can bring to life, step by step, inside a session.
My Invitation To You
If you’re feeling stuck in familiar loops, or wondering why connection still feels out of reach, know this:
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
My 1:1 sessions are a space where we gently build your Courage Muscle - together. You’ll learn to meet yourself (and your partner) with more honesty, compassion, and strength — so you can create the kind of relationship that truly supports your growth.
How I can support you:
Read more articles like this on my Blog
Watch and Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for inspirations to live with courage
Join my self-paced 1 hour workshop, Rebels Rising - for the Sensitive Souls who feel a deeper calling
Work with me 1:1 to explore this even more deeply
Journaling Prompt
What’s one truth I haven’t shared yet — but deeply want to?
(And what would it take to share it with courage?)
