She feels the pain of her longing
Longing for deep soul connection
To be seen, accepted, praised
For all that she is
The power that she holds, and all that she is remembering.
The longing is buried deep within, buried so the pain is not met.
She hides from choices that give a glimpse of this longing.
She buys a sports car so she isn't reminded of the adventures she longs to experience with a man in an SUV.
She shops so she doesn't feel the pain of sitting in a restaurant alone.
She eats so she doesn't feel the emptiness within.
She masturbates so she doesn't feel the aching longing for deep penetration into her body.
Yet underneath she feels something that is untouched
Waiting to be seen and loved
The longing that longs to be caressed
To be shown in light
She longs to feel the union
With her future husband
She feels the heartache of the unknown
Will this ever come to light?
Out of desperation she closes her eyes and breathes.
She breathes deep into her heart
Shallow at first, an unfamiliar feeling.
She takes a deeper breath
Filling her chest, breasts, and heart
Feeling the air caress the unfamiliar crevices of her entire being.
Another breath.
She breathes lower into her belly, stretching the skin that folds tight
Stretching the layers of fat, her pain lies underneath.
Again shallow.
She takes another breath
Filling her belly, feeling her belly soften
As she lies down onto the earth, breathing, allowing.
She takes another breath, further, into her womb
The place where she'd numbed and ignored
Feeling the unfamiliar terrain, yet calling her further inward.
Her mind has started its engine, questioning
What's the point? Why feel the pain?
Yet, she feels a deeper calling to drop deeper into her body
To allow her breath to continue to touch and caress the crevices that haven't been touched
As she sees glimpses of her life past
Where she felt free and alive
The tingles she feels, even sparks of light jump around in her womb.
She feels the buzziness and aliveness.
Moments where she once felt alive through a union
of memories past
of her own aliveness within herself
when she dared to feel the vulnerability and the unknown
that was when she felt alive.
As she breathes, she notices her heart starts to awaken, her heart opening.
Yet it was not a pleasant place, yet it was not a pleasant, happy sensation.
She feels a deep hole that is being seen for the first time
A hole where layers of armour had piled on top
Limiting her full experience with life
A hole that she feels so painful
A hole that is filled with grief and loneliness
A well of sadness that was met with unmet expectations
The longing to feel connected and to be seen.
Yet a deep remembering of who she is
A remembering of her love for herself
A love that emanates widely and broadly
A love that nourishes her entire being
A love that spreads and is infused in every cell of her being,
in everything that she touches, in everything that she does.
Simply her love is felt in every space she enters and occupies.
The remembering reminds her of the union she longs for with a man
A man who sees her
A man who loves her
A man who is only not afraid of her power
But a man who meets her, who encourages her, who protects her, and who creates a vessel for her to blossom through her powers.
A vessel that feels safe
A partnership that feels she doesn't need to constantly lead her own life
A union where she can bring her softness, vulnerabilities, creativity and instincts fully into the world
She feels a deep longing in her heart, in her womb
A longing that spreads through her entire body
Through every cell, and comes through her tears
Like a river bursting through a dam that no longer desires to be contained
But to be felt for her full power.
This longing reverberates throughout her body, through her sounds, her tears.
Her body shakes through the desire to feel this longing in her body and awakens her.
Like waking up from a deep sleep
Her body feels the full surrender to her longing
Awakening her senses, her emotions, her body, her mind.
Like a soothing balm and a spark all at the same time
She feels the medicine of her longing.
The longing that was once seen as pain, as superfluous, annoying
Is now the medicine
The medicine for feeling greater openness
For greater vision
For a deeper sense of being.
It nourishes her entire being
And through this she realizes with great clarity of all the masks, the shopping, the car, the masturbation, the food was doing.
She sees these masks with kindness, with compassion, with gratitude.
The masks have supported her, protected her
Until she was ready to see her deeper truth
Her deeper longing, waiting patiently for her
To see
To feel
To be.
Her longing is her medicine.
